aQuaTIP

he said "deliver me from L.L. Bean"

If one more drunk person tells me one more thing about what happened when they were drunk last night, I swear to god that I'm going to just unravel at the seams.

I have no more tolerance for this juvenile bullshit.  Get me the fuck out of here.  I'll walk through cold, cold snow.  I'll suffer the worst landlords and work the worst jobs. My heart, my heart.  I swear on my heart that I will go mad if I am not delivered from it soon.

Graduation cannot come soon enough.

passion fruit lube

I had sat down on the arm of the couch in Will and Jeff's room in the penthouse and we were chatting.  It was a few moments before I noticed a small red packet on Will's bed where he was laying under his covers.

Looking over to Will, I asked if that was his packet of lube laying next to him and he said "huh?"

I read the label aloud: WET Passion Fruit Lube (flavored, non-staining lubricant)

Will said, "I have nothing to say about that."

Hmm...

Anne of Green Gables v. Granite Buttplug

Last night at about 4:15am, Will and Jeff arrived back here at the penthouse.  I was watching South Park because I couldn't sleep.

The two came into my room and started telling me drunk kid stories, which was fun.  Will started to go on and on about how he wanted someone to rub his head so he could fall asleep and then, after some random comment from the peanut gallery, Jeff hops up out of his chair and runs for my bottom desk drawer (the contents of which are known to be sexual and not for general audience members). 

Jeff extracted my granite buttplug (yes, a buttplug made of granite; don't worry, if you put it in hot water it warms up nicely) from the drawer.  After which he proceeded to then chase Will about the penthouse with this buttplug in hand.  They must have made it to the living room because then Will got an empty Hawkeye vodka bottle (1.75) into his hands and started to beat Jeff with it.  Jeff returned the favor by beating Will with the buttplug, which honestly must have hurt.  He was like walloping the kid on the ass and legs with this plug--this may be because Will is so damned tall, but I think we'll never know.

The moral of this story is: don't get into Addy's bottom desk drawer while you're drunk.  You might end up hurting someone?

"Mom, move onto the next question!"

I was pissed off that a homoanxiety breakdown phone call is what woke me up and kept me up this morning, but I'll live--I may have to kill Jeff or his mom though. *smile*

This morning around 8:30am, the phone rang.  Matt was up wandering around, so he picked it up.  It was Jeff's mom and she wanted Matt to go wake him up so she could talk to him.

Jeff and I are in a Philosophy class, which means we don't ever have class until 1pm, so he was pretty well livid.  His mother started beating around the bush, which was pissing him off because he just wanted to go back to sleep and then she popped the question:

"Are you gay?"  I don't recall his response exactly, but the question itself arose because last night Jeff had sent his dad an e-mail saying that he and I were planning on living together after college and I assume they just recalled that I'm gay and made that cavernous leap from my being gay to Jeff being gay from that piece of news.

At one point Jeff said "I'm not even going to dignify that with a response."  At the time I didn't know what he was responding to, but now that I do, I appreciate it.  After he got off the phone (which is located in the room I share with Matt and Bob), I laughed so hard that THAT was why his mother had wanted to talk about with him so badly.

I explained that I thought perhaps they had missed that living with a homosexual has a spurious relationship to oneself's being homosexual and that ... I dunno ... having sex with people of the opposite sex has at least a relatively reliable negative statistical relationship with being gay.

At any rate, we laughed a lot and while Jeff, the punk, got to go back to sleep because he can sleep anytime he wants, I was up for the long-haul after that.

Just remember kids: unless you want to be gay, don't live with a homosexual after college!

Cornell Blog Addicts?

If you or someone you know if a Cornell blogger or blog-addict, e-mail me at cornellbebloggin@addyfree.org

We're putting together a dinner for the Cornell blogging community this month near the end of the block.  Shoot me an e-mail and I'll get you an invite.  Again, that address is cornellbebloggin@addyfree.org

nutless brownies

"Sorry, I thought you were hankerin' for some Indian eunuch..."

--Jeff Klein (one of the roomies) misunderstanding Addy Free's want for brownies without nuts.  Addy wanted the baked good.

Capote vs. Aiken

I told a classmate of mine that I was probably going to finish reading Truman Capote's Breakfast at Tiffany's tonight and he responded by saying that he had read the entirety of the Clay Aiken autobiography the night before.

I was impressed for a moment--he read a whole book in one night?  Then I asked who Clay Aiken was.  Now, while I waited for him to tell me who he was I began to feel a little sheepish since I had just the week before berated this same classmate for not knowing who Pol Pot was.

I assume you all know who Clay Aiken is and can finish this post for yourself ...

If you don't know about Pol Pot, then.. well.. yeah.

clif on the zamboni

The ever lovely Clifton Ashley on the zamboni at the country club he works for.  Clif was nice enough to treat me to dinner at a posh steakhouse here in Kansas City this break.  The main course was excellent and the dessert also quite nice, but the whisky selection at Plaza III left a great deal to be desired.

Be that as it may, I think Clif on the zamboni is quite a funny little treat =o)

masturbation

I was just talking with Kris L.P. in Old Sem (Cornell College's administrative building, where I had been dropping off a deposit for the box office and chatting with some folks.

Kris asked me what I was up to next and I told him I was going to go back to my room (where I am now), read some and wait for my roommates to leave and then I'd masturbate.  He laughed, saying that whenever he asked I was always about to go jack off.

We talked a bit more about this, standing near one of the more trafficed areas of the building but just dropping the explicit references to what we were discussing, which included frequency and the prefered amount of time and if roommates can be around (like in the other room) and in what sort of state (asleep, passed out, playing Halo like the lumps they are *nudge*) they need to be in to make it okay to jack off.

The last remarks we shared were that people need to not be weird about talking about masturbation since we all do it (except for a few weird girls).  Besides, boys:  when you talk about masturbation, it promotes my picturing you naked.  Welp, now all of you boys that have been jealous of Kris being on the Top 3 Hottest Boys (according to Addy) on Campus know the secret to his success.  *noddle*

Penthouse Christmas Party

Pictures from the Rood Penthouse Christmas Party!  Thrown at the suggestion of myself and with the enthusiasm of the household.

Chelsea Yates and Ellen Kirk.  That painting in the background is mine.  It's purdy.  Ellen is a fantastic girl and I'm glad that she chose Cornell--she's a first year.  We're better for having her. =)

Kris Longley-Postema, Clifton Ashley, Jon Levine in the living room.  This picture doesnt' flatter Kris and everyone knows I adore him, but I felt it necessary to include.  I mean, look at Jon getting down on the bottle of wine!  Golly.

Hassan Malik (looking like he's just gone through withdrawls), Dave Smucker, Marie Schutte and Chris Schlicting.  Dave looks crazy intent on something and the only thing that was in that direction was the first and second Charlie Brown Christmas specials we had running all night.

Will Schubert.  Almost to that point where his eyes begin to move independently of each other if you run your finger in front of his face. =)  Oh, and if you're looking at those damned magnets, don't.  We have them to mock them.

See Alissa there in the background, framed by Marie and Jon?  What the hell!

I'm glad I moved into the penthouse for my senior year.  Good times so far with more to come, I'm sure.